[Picture of Shawlands arcade community noticeboard notice about mind blowing prices]IF MY MIND DOES NOT “BLOW”, is this a breach of the Trades Descriptions Act?

The sign on the community notice board inside Shawlands Shopping Centre states:


Now Open
Bigger & Better
than before
More variety
At prices that are

Please click on the picture to enlarge.

This also begs the questions (1) is a “mind blowing price” cheap or expensive? Good or bad? and (2) Is having one’s mind blown something one ought to desire?



[Picture of Shawlands arcade community noticeboard notice about lost cat]A LOST CAT to many people, is like a missing person; they put up notices all over town in the hope that someone will find and return their family pet (preferably alive).

In Shawlands, we have become used to seeing this sort of thing because the area is densely populated. The posters have increased in sophistication over the years, from a photocopy of a cat picture and a handwritten plea, through the computer printout inside a plastic sleeve, to a laminated full colour computer printout with fancy fonts and a high definition digital picture of the escaped beloved animal.

I must confess that while I may look over these notices on lampposts, shop windows and noticeboards — and while I may even glance at all the cats wandering the streets, I have never managed to connect the two. It would be extremely unlikely for me to look at a cat on the street and recogise it as the missing tiddles!

Just as well too, because otherwise I would forever be stealing (or attempting to catch) stray cats — and if what I had found was the wrong cat then this would lead to yet more “Lost Cat” posters in a never-ending loop!

So I have always thought it unlikely that they work — even if a reward were offered. There must be some etiquette, some cut-off period for taking down the posters.

  • I suppose I thought that either the cat returned home by itself or it didn’t (and was deemed dead).

Imagine my surprise to see the birth of a new trend — the NEWS UPDATE on the Missing moggie poster — just in case this missing cat was keeping you awake at night.

This is a new breed of poster — notifying us all of a positive outcome — so we can finally stop hunting! How kind and thoughtful — instead of simply taking down the sign and throwing it in the bin. Click on the picture to enlarge.

But then, maybe it is a lie — maybe someone with a black felt-tip pen has decided to ruin the hunt for Millie by mischievously adding to the print out. I will keep an eye out to see if the other posters have this update!

The world is getting madder by the day, I tell you!

The Slippery Slope

SLIPPING SEEMS TO BE A WIDESPREAD PROBLEM — so why don’t shops have better floors?

[Picture of slippy floor shop sign]I saw a daft notice on a shop window today. It states:


During wet conditions, excess water from prams
and umbrellas can make this floor very slippy,
whist (sic) every effort is being made to keep this
as dry as possible please wipe your feet, leave
umbrellas in the container provided and


Thank You’

Apart from the bad grammar and the typo on ‘whilst’, I could not find an umbrella container! The floor was polished glossy shiny tiles and looked slippery when dry. They actually were ‘wet look’ tiles!

The question is: why? — and ‘why should we put up with this silliness?’

[Picture of a wet floor sign][Picture of slippery floor sign]Leaving the shop, it didn’t take me long to come across a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ board, because — let’s face it — we live in a country with high rainfall!

Maybe I am slow on the uptake, or a “bit thick”, but is it good enough to simply put up a sign? Does that mean the responsibility for slipping is transferred onto the victim? Should a person who slips be responsible as a result of being told about the risk or hazard? Perhaps I am supposed to change my footwear to something suitable to the conditions posted in signs?

Why is the floor wet? If we are talking about cleaning, could that not be done out of hours? If it is cleaning up an incident, then would it not be better to rope off the area or to actually DRY IT?

Architects ought to be taken out and shot for specifying such insane floor surfaces anyway — and things are getting worse because every shopping mall is filled with hi-gloss tiled finishes and these caution boards (what an eyesore), yet not everyone wears rubber-soled trainers. The entire floor of the new Silverburn shopping centre mall and shops (for example) make it difficult and exhausting to walk about!

Glasgow Shop’s Apostrophic Grammar!

[Picture of Employment Agency Window in Glasgow City Centre]BAD GRAMMAR IN PUBLIC NOTICES IS GETTING WORSE WHEN THE NOTICES ARE HANDWRITTEN. However, the problem is not merely confined to the handwritten; look at the shop front is the picture (click to enlarge).

This is an employment agency’s shop front. The entire window is an advertisement billboard, they are seeking (sic):-

  • Joiner’s
  • Plumber’s
  • Electrician’s
  • Labourer’s
  • Cleaner’s
  • Lineworker’s

This is a bizarre example of misuse of the apostrophe. One would think that someone would have told them by now, but it has been like this for ages. Perhaps people do not realise the problem.
Things are getting worse.

More Apostrophe Abuse

[picture of more apostrophe abuse]MORE APOSTROPHE ABUSE ABUSE IN A PUBLIC NOTICE.

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