Please click to enlarge image. It reads as follows:
Masturbation in the library toilet is a violation of the University of St Andrews Library Regulations
The recently refurbished toilet floors are not designed to handle your semen!
The excessive amount of semen on the floor cost thousands of pounds to be removed professionally and must be reflected in tuition fee rises for next year.
It’s your money.
Please go home and masturbate if you are bored.
Please enquire at the Library Help Desk if you have any questions. Thank your for your cooperation”
I don’t know about you, but this notice raised quite a few questions in my mind. First of all — there are actual, professional semen removal companies? The next question is the obvious one — if you just bought a new floor, why did you not get one that could handle the excessive semen?
Third question: toilet cleaning comes out of tuition budget? Fourth question: is this excessive semen problem restricted to the library toilet? What kind of publications are available there? Fifth question: The university are remiss in not taking the opportunity of requesting wankers to wash their hands before leaving the toilet to handle books.
Things are getting worse when universities cannot see a better way to solve a “situation” than a badly conceived “notice”. The statement, “It’s your money” allows the student to justify the act. Think about it, if only 1 per cent leave a sticky floor, 100% pay for it in increased fees. Economies of scale come into play, meaning it is individually cheaper for the wanker to let everyone chip in next year.
My final question has to be, how bad is this semen problem for goodness sake? Surely a quick mop round would clean things up? What on earth is this all about really?