I Cannot Spell My Own Name!

[Photograph of Tesco store complaints notice]A PUBLIC NOTICE GOES BEYOND PROOF-READING AND SPELL-CHECKING, AND SETS A NEW LOW STANDARD.

The notice (click on picture to enlarge) reads as follows:

My name is Davuid Hoggan and I am the Store
Manager.

I’ve worked for Tesco for 23 years, previously at the
store in    Glasgow

My team and I are here to help you.  If you have any
comments, please feel free to speak to one of us and
we will do our best to help.

If we are unable to resolve your query satisfactorily,
please contact our Customer Services Team on 0800-
028-6428.

Hi,
My name is David Hoggan and I’m the Store Manager
here at your Tesco Express.  My team and I are here
to help you.  We discuss any comments you make –
the good and the bad!  Hopefully we can deal with
them ourselves, but if not we will enlist the support of
colleagues in the office.

If you have a few minutes, please do stop for a chat. If
we are not able to help with your queries, please feel

free to contact our Customer Services Team on 0800-
028-6428.

Where does one start with this?

It is a mess, and it is a mess because they are trying to be informal — they are using the first person when it is inappropriate (it might have been forgiveable had a photograph of the Store Manager been employed next to the text).

It is a mess because they are tying to avoid using the word, “Complaint”. That is why they have said “comments”, and messed it up by saying that the comments can be good or bad, when obviously they mean bad comments (i.e. complaints)!

They seem to want Tesco customers to stop and have a chat with shop-floor staff and the Store Manager– to give them good comments so that they can discuss them among themselves.  If they cannot “deal” with your good comments, they reserve the right to “enlist” “support” from colleagues in “the office”.  If you feel your good comments have not been handled satisfactorily, then they want you to telephone a Customer Services Team!

It’s a mess because the manager couldn’t decide which notice to use, and so he clearly didn’t check anything properly — so it looks like he doesn’t even know his own name; is it Davuid or David?

It’s a mess because it is apparent that, despite the personal touch intended, it is clearly a template document.  The evidence of this is the long blank gap before the word “Glasgow”, where he was supposed to type in the store area name.  For all we know, the 23 years could be from the template, and he just forgot to substitute his actual number of years of service!

What is so wrong with a simple, straightforward notice on the lines of the following?

If you have a complaint, please speak in the first instance to a member of staff, or ask to see the Store Manager, Mr David Hoggan, who has worked for the company for 23 years.  If he cannot resolve your issues, the matter may be referred to the company offices.  If you then feel that the matter is still not resolved to your satisfaction, please telephone our free Customer Services helpline on 0800 028 6428.

Good grief!  Things are certainly getting worse when supermarket customers have to read drivel like this when they just want to complain about something, or ask for something to be stocked!  I suspect there is some bureaucratic Tesco requirement for all stores to put up such notices, and to (ab)use that language.

Put it this way, what chance has your complaint, when the company “thinking” is so muddled?

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