Barry Norman Take Two!

[Picture of Barry Norman Pickles]BARRY NORMAN WAS KNOWN AS A FILM CRITIC ON TV WITH THE CATCHPHRASE, “…AND WHY NOT?”.

So the LAST thing you would expect is for him to be associated with pickled onions. Of all the things he chose to endorse in his retirement from television, he chose PICKLED ONIONS!

How strange! Click on the picture to enlarge; it requires a closer look!

It says (in the mode of a film clapper board):

PRODUCER: BARRY NORMAN

TAKE: PICKLED ONIONS

SCENE: HOT AND SPICY

SOUND: CRUNCHY.

Yep, things are definitely getting worse!

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Booked

Shawlands Bookshop window display of gangland bosses' booksWHO SAID CRIME DOESN’T PAY?

Glasgow criminals and gangland bosses such as Arthur Thomson, Reg Mckay, and Paul Ferris, probably make more from book sales these days than from any criminal activity.  Click on the picture to enlarge the picture of a local city book store front window display.

Yes, things are getting worse alright!

Chilling Puns

Ice Cream Van PunPUNS ARE BAD ENOUGH FOR BUSINESS, BUT BAD PUNS ARE WORSE!

Look at this Ice Cream Van in the picture (click on picture to enlarge); painted on the back are the words “HAVE A ICE DAY”.

It seems to me that the message the ice cream sellers want to get across is “Have a nice day”, with the implication that an ice cream might help in that aim. They seem to have wanted to somehow merge “ice cream” and “nice day” — maybe using some wit — perhaps a pun?  They must have scratched their heads and rubbed their chins for ages in deep thought on this one.  The obvious solution to most people would probably have been this:

HAVE A NICE DAY
HAVE AN ICE DAY

In other words, simply moving the space makes the perfect pun — an elegant wordplay, the two phrases sounding almost the same, merely the accent or stress moving from nice to ice.  Sublime.

Close up of ice cream van punHowever, they missed all that, and plumped for the ‘orrible:

HAVE A ICE DAY

— Which sounds like a machine gun stutter at best!  Yes, things are certainly getting worse!  Children see this everyday, so it’s no wonder standards are slipping!

Hidden Car Parking Costs

THE COST OF CAR PARKING IN GLASGOW IS OBSCURE.

A city centre street meter is shown in the picture (click on the picture to enlarge).

It stated the costs as follows:

Sat 18:01 – Sun 07:59… Free;
Sun 08:00 – Sun 18:00… Free;
Sun 18:01 – Mon 07:59… Free;

Mon 08:00 – Mon 18:00… £4.00 every 2 hours;
Mon 18:01 – Tue 07:59… Free;
Tue 08:00 – Tue 18:00… £4.00 every 2 hours;
Tue 18:01 – Wed 07:59… Free;

Wed 08:00 – Wed 18:00… £4.00 every 2 hours;
Wed 18:01 – Thu 07:59… Free;
Thu 08:00 – Thu 18:00… £4.00 every 2 hours;
Thu 18:01 – Fri 07:59… Free;
Fri 08:00 – Fri 18:00… £4.00 every 2 hours;
Fri 18:01 – Sat 07:59… Free;
Sat 08:00 – Sat 18:00… £4.00 every 2 hours;

Although it states that the maximum stay is 2 hours, this merely means that you have to feed the meter every 2 hours between 08:00 and 18:00 Mon – Sat inclusive, which is £40 per day (hence the penalty charge is £60).

Now, consider parking a few metres away at the Sauchiehall Street Car Park.

This is clearly far more expensive that street parking at night or on Sunday.

Sunday all day is £2.00, whereas the street is free. Overnight on the street is also free, but here it is £2.00.

Now, if you stay for 2 hours, the car park will cost you £2.40, compared with the street bay’s £4.00 — but are you really going to be there for 2 hours?

Let’s say you wanted to park for 15 mins.  That would cost you just 50p on the street, but a whopping £1.20 in the car park.

This is true of half and hour too — £1.20 in the car park versus £1.00 on the street.

  • It is only after three-quarters of an hour that the car park becomes cheaper than the roadside.

Some people might think that, compared with the street, £2.00 is worth paying for a secure car parking space — but the small print states that after 06:30 in the morning, you start getting charged £1.20 per hour until you arrive to pick up the vehicle! And consider that most of the streets are brightly lit and covered by CCTV paid for by your council taxes, and the street looks like the better option.

By Gum!

[Picture of gum penises]INNOCENT OR GUILTY?

The manufacturers of chewy sweets may have acted in complete innocence in producing these “Gummy Lighthouse” confections, however, should you have a mind to it, they do resemble something else — something rather rude in fact.  Click on the picture to enlarge for a closer inspection.

My first thought was that lighthouse are a terrible idea; what child would care about boring old lighthouses?  Wouldn’t kids rather have things that are TV or game related?  Celebrity endorsed action figures or something relating to a film or sport?

As such, one can only conclude that this is not an innocent mistake; I do not think that these were ever intended to be lighthouses at all, they were designed to be rude, and to appeal to the silly teenage market. Bad taste? Yes indeed. And things are getting worse when teenagers can buy and consume rude body parts in broad daylight.  No doubt they get a big kick out of handing the local vicar a “lighthouse” to suck on.

Translation Error

[Picture of Computer Generated sign displaying 'Translation Server Error']COMPUTERS ARE NOT PERFECT!

When it comes to translation (as we know only too well here “En Afghanistan“), a lot can go wrong, sometimes it is a surprising result, other times it is no result at all.  Click on the picture to enlarge.

One wonders how long it would take before someone who could understand English would notice the problem and alert the authorities to the problem!

Things are getting worse when we overly rely on Computers and the Internet; there is no substitute for common sense.

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