See Men?

WE WERE SENT THIS OFFICIAL NOTICE FROM ST. ANDREW’S UNIVERSITY.

Please click to enlarge image. It reads as follows:

“Masturbation Notice

Masturbation in the library toilet is a violation of the University of St Andrews Library Regulations

The recently refurbished toilet floors are not designed to handle your semen!

The excessive amount of semen on the floor cost thousands of pounds to be removed professionally and must be reflected in tuition fee rises for next year.

It’s your money.

Please go home and masturbate if you are bored.

Please enquire at the Library Help Desk if you have any questions. Thank your for your cooperation”

I don’t know about you, but this notice raised quite a few questions in my mind. First of all — there are actual, professional semen removal companies? The next question is the obvious one — if you just bought a new floor, why did you not get one that could handle the excessive semen?

Third question: toilet cleaning comes out of tuition budget? Fourth question: is this excessive semen problem restricted to the library toilet? What kind of publications are available there? Fifth question: The university are remiss in not taking the opportunity of requesting wankers to wash their hands before leaving the toilet to handle books.

Things are getting worse when universities cannot see a better way to solve a “situation” than a badly conceived “notice”. The statement, “It’s your money” allows the student to justify the act. Think about it, if only 1 per cent leave a sticky floor, 100% pay for it in increased fees. Economies of scale come into play, meaning it is individually cheaper for the wanker to let everyone chip in next year.

My final question has to be, how bad is this semen problem for goodness sake? Surely a quick mop round would clean things up? What on earth is this all about really?

D+ Stress

I WAS STRUCK BY THIS NOTICE IN A HIGH SCHOOL & TOOK A PHOTOGRAPH USING MY CAMERAPHONE.

Click to enlarge image. It reads:

“Youth Stress Centre

Aromatheraphy Massage
Reiki
Self-Esteem
Relaxation
Reflexology
Stress Management
Anger Management

Appointments available at
Castlemilk Stress Centre
109 Stravanan Road
(above the shops)
Call us on 630 0111

MONDAY’S 6.00-8.30
WEDNESDAY’S 6.30-8.30

Funded by The National Lottery
NHS Greater Glasgow”

Where do I start? I have a problem with children going above shops for a massage.  This did not happen in my day, and I am not convinced it ought to happen today.

If  we overlook the terrible use of the apostrophe, the hours appear to indicate very early morning, before school starts.  On the other hand, perhaps it is meant to be PM  rather than AM or 24 hour clock, it is difficult to know for sure.  As Castlemilk is a very deprived and rough council estate, getting the times correct would be important, especially if one wanted to have less stress.

I do not understand how this can be part of the NHS, and yet receive funding from the National Lottery. I also do not understand how things like Reiki can be available under the auspices of either body when it is not recognised.  The Roman Catholic Church, for example, has outlawed Reiki practices as heretical and blasphemous!

• According to William T. Jarvis, Ph.D., of The National Council Against Health Fraud, there “is no evidence that clinical Reiki’s effects are due to anything other than suggestion” or the placebo effect.

Things are getting worse when school children are receiving early morning or late night hocus pocus to cope with “stress” all paid for by the Lottery and NHS. What will they do when they go to university or college — or later when they get a job? What will they do when they have real stress to deal with?

Would they not be better teaching children how to cope with their own stress, how to manage themselves without visiting a massage parlour in one of the biggest council estate black-spots in western Europe?

Holy Street!

AMAZINGLY, NO ONE WAS HARMED WHEN THE STREET CAVED IN TODAY.

I was walking along Renfield Street, and right at the corner where the old ABC cinema used to be, the road simply collapsed!

It was big enough to drop a full-length family car waiting to turn left onto Renfield Street!  Things are getting worse when roads can suddenly cave in.

In 2007, the road outside the Citizens’ Theatre collapsed as a result of a burst water main, ironically while “The Tempest” was being performed (see Clipped News Article).  Glasgow’s infrastructure was shown to be crumbling and in dire need of investment.  The pot holes cannot be making things any better. Thing sare definitely getting worse when pavements and roads can simply and suddenly cave in without warning!

Holy Roads!

THE POTHOLE SITUATION HERE IN GLASGOW CITY IS TERRIBLE, APPARENTLY DUE TO THE RAVAGES OF THE SEVERE WINTER ON OUR BELOVED TARMACADAM.

Imagine my surprise, however, to spot a sign at Blythswood Square that simply warned me to expect more potholes!

[Please click on the photograph to enlarge image]

Things are getting worse when the council will spend money on signs instead of repairing the roads.

Tough Baby Change

WE ALL KNOW GLASGOW IS TOUGH.

The city used to have a reputation for gang violence, and in recent times has been known as the “Murder Capital of Europe” due to knife crime.

Nevertheless, I was somewhat surprised to see notices in the baby changing area of a local supermarket’s toilet. Please click on the image to enlarge.

The first one that caught my eye was the notice headed, “Knife and Stab Wounds”.  I thought: how inappropriate above a baby change table in an accessible toilet! Things are getting worse indeed when such notices are so clearly remind us of where we are and how we live.

They seem to be expecting trouble at this store.  Good grief! This, by the way, is the same supermarket that employs “Antisocial Lighting” in the Ladies.

Biting Costs

AT A VISIT TO THE DENTIST, I WAS AMAZED TO SEE THE FOLLOWING NOTICE ON THE WALL:

Click on the picture to the right to enlarge the image taken with my camera-phone.

It reads:

“DUE TO PRESSURE ON OUR
APPOINTMENT LIST THERE WILL NOW
BE A CHARGE FOR PATIENTS WHO
FAIL TO ATTEND THEIR
APPOINTMENTS WITHOUT DUE NOTICE
- THIS WILL BE CHARGED AT £60 PER
HOUR OR PRO RATA”

You may have noticed the bad English, but I spotted the sixty quid per hour penalty rate. This is serious money — does that include check-ups? what about cleaning?

To use “Pro Rata” does not help matters in my opinion.

I take it to mean that if you are five minutes late for your appointment, then you will be charged that five-minute proportion of the sixty quid/ hour charge — which is a fiver (it is a pound a minute charge).

Now, I don’t know about you, but I ALWAYS have to wait in the appropriately-named waiting room, even if I arrive bang on-time for my appointment.  So, if I arrive five minutes late, and I am placed for 10 minutes in the waiting room, what will happen?

Why can’t I charge the dentist for his lateness?  If my appointment is for 10am, and I arrive five minutes early, I ought to be seen at 10am.  If I am kept waiting, I would reasonably expect some reciprocity — perhaps on a pro rata basis?

Things are getting worse when National Health Service Dentists feel that they can get away with this sort of thing — and to add insult to injury, the notice is contained within a golden frame behind glass, and soundly mounted on the wall. This dentist must have a lot of free time — perhaps occasioned by too many missed appointments?

Do NOT Pick Up Dog Dirt!

THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN DOG MESS ON THE PAVEMENT IS WHEN A HUMAN BEING PICKS UP THE DOG MESS.

I saw it this morning: a woman watched her dog do it’s business. She then reached into her anorak pocket and produced a scrunched-up Morrison’s Supermarket carrier bag.  She pulled it over her hand, picked up the dog shit, and pulled the bag back over so that the shite was contained within the bag.

Now, this is wrong and disgusting on many levels in my opinion.  Let’s begin with the supermarket carrier bag — we’re supposed to be getting away from using these plastic bags as they last for millions of years on landfills and kill wild life. On top of this, Morrison’s carriers are largely clear and see-through — hardly appropriate for this purpose.

The next thing that gets me annoyed is that the dog is allowed to poop anywhere it likes, and the owner will pick it up.  This is not right; humans picking up after dogs is wrong — we’re acting like they are superior and we are the servants.

Think about it, a dog crap on the pavement is something to be avoided — and it can be avoided most of the time because is obviously present.  On the other hand, a dog poo that was lifted will leave residue and germs behind that are far less evident.  People do not see the danger and walk on the fouled region to then spread the germs on floors and carpets at home and in cars.  Kids drops things, bounce balls, and ride over such places to spread germs and infection far and wide.

The next issue I have with the pick-up scenario is the act of picking up the faeces — plastic bag or not. The way I see it, if you went to the toilet and did a poo, you would be just as separated from your own faecal matter — in your personal case, it’s toilet paper, in the dog fouling scenario, it is a plastic shopping bag.

The thing is you know that wiping your bum means you have germs and that you need to wash your hands — but people who pick up warm, freshly produced dog turds are in the street or in parks, and have no access to wash hand basins.  They are walking about with germs — and it is exactly as bad as not washing your hands after defecating in a WC.

How would you feel if someone walked their dog and then made you a sandwich?  I personally would feel that this is the same as someone making a sandwich after going for a dump and not washing their hands, or a mother changing a nappy and not washing her hands.

I saw Kim and Aggie’s TV show,”How Clean is Your House” a while back.  It was explained that germs from the toilet can spread upto eight feet away from the WC bowl.  They swabbed surfaces and items for laboratory testing, and faecal matter was discovered on toothbrushes and face flannels. Toothbrushes should be stored as far away as possible from toilet bowls — always inside  bathroom cabinets and with a case too if possible.

That is why toilets cannot be accessed from public rooms — especially kitchens,  but instead they have to be from hallways and corridors or, for example, in pubs and clubs, accessed via IVS spaces.  Toilets without windows have to by law have an extraction fan wired up to the lightswitch with an over run fo 20 minutes after you leave and switch off the light — yes, it is that serious.

People can be paranoid about sitting on toilet seats or touching toilet door handles or flush handles – yet, while germs are definitely passed via contact, there is a significant airborne spread. If you wipe your bottom — you are not coming into direct contact with faeces by virtue of the toilet paper.  Germs are in the toilet bowl, on the seat and on your wiping hand.  You will touch surfaces and spread the germs that jumped onto your hand.  Flushing creates the sneezing effect — a fine germ-filled mist or aerosol that spreads germs high and low, far and wide.  May people consider hand air driers to spread germs too — particularly when people wet their hands rather than washing them with soap and warm water.

The point I am labouring here is that germs are invisible and that they spread fast and far. Despite toilet paper and plastic bags.

• I therefore think there should be a ban on people picking up after their pooches.
• I do not think dogs should be allowed to poop anywhere: dogs should be made by their owners to poop in designated areas — perhaps in gutters at the roadside of the kerb (not on the pavement), where rain water will wash them down the drain.

We live in a world filled with MRSA, superbugs, allergies, and all sorts of illnesses that could be eradicated by better hygiene. The “Bag it and Bin It” campaign — I have argued here — is unhealthy for us all and something should be done.

Crossing Poles

A WALK THROUGH SHAWLANDS IS ALWAYS AN EXCITING PROSPECT.

It is an assault course of dog fouled pavements, illogically parked cars, overgrown hedges, bollards and crazy things such as the lamppost shown in the picture — please click on the picture to enlarge.

There is a pole for the no-entry sign located exactly where a pedestrian needs to cross — right where the kerb dips at the corner.  This pedestrian could be a partially sighted person, wheelchair bound, a mother with a pram or perhaps an elderly person with either a Zimmer frame or one of those electrical wheelchairs.

How annoying and unsafe!  Do people not think things through anymore?  If there is no guide and handbook on how to do this, if there is no legislation or regulation, what about the people who actually dug the pavement up and erected this pole?

Things are getting worse when people cannot think about their work, but simply do a shoddy bit of work and forget all about it.

If you refer back to this picture, you might see that there is another daft pole on the opposite side — just shown on the right side of the picture. Good luck to everyone who wants to cross at this junction.

Vanishing Road

ACCORDING TO THE SIGNS AT THE RECENT ROAD WORKS, DEANSTON DRIVE VANISHES.

If the road was closed, they would have used a “road closed” sign, a “No Entry” sign or “Diversion” sign. If the road was blocked off from the left, then they would have used the narrowed from left sign, and if the road was blocked off from the right, then they would have used the narrowed from right sign.

To use BOTH the narrowed from left sign AND the narrowed from right sign, effectively closes a two lane road, yet the road was open on both lanes. Even the turn off to the left was open.

To add even more confusion, there’s a “bear left” sign!

With the naked eye, no road works were taking place whatsoever, and this remains as it has always been — even though all these signs and fences have been removed since the photograph was taken.

Things are getting worse when the road department store their equipment on roads. It is the only explanation for all this fuss — the only other explanation being that the road is pinched from both sides and vanishes!

My 1st Traffic Jam Puzzle

MY FIRST TRAFFIC JAM PUZZLE.

That’s what it says on the box.

Yes, things are that bad, and getting worse it would seem. Is there a grand plan to prepare children for inevitable traffic jams in later adult life?

Is there a grand plan perhaps to sell children a series of traffic jam puzzles? This is MY FIRST traffic jam puzzle — and that suggests the possibility of a second, third and who-knows how many more.

On further consideration, it is possible that the puzzle is “why have we got traffic jams”?  How much fun would it be to consider all the options to transport and travel for the 21st century. Yes, what a fun toy!

I don’t know about you, but this – whatever it is — does not immediately strike me as an absolutely brilliant idea for a children’s toy or game.  Things are definitely getting worse when someone can successfully pitch their idea about a puzzle for children based on traffic congestion.

Looking again at the box, I see that it could be that the entire reason for the traffic jam could be the child driving the big green tractor.  How hilarious! The child can play at being responsible for road rage and disgruntled commuters for the FIRST time! My, oh my; what kind of monsters are we trying to create here?