MIND BLOWING?

IF MY MIND DOES NOT “BLOW”, is this a breach of the Trades Descriptions Act?

The sign on the community notice board inside Shawlands Shopping Centre states:

 

“THE KIOSK
Now Open
Bigger & Better
than before
More variety
At prices that are
MIND BLOWING”

Please click on the picture to enlarge.

This also begs the questions (1) is a “mind blowing price” cheap or expensive? Good or bad? and (2) Is having one’s mind blown something one ought to desire?

PUBLIC NOTICE: Cat Came Home!

A LOST CAT to many people, is like a missing person; they put up notices all over town in the hope that someone will find and return their family pet (preferably alive).

In Shawlands, we have become used to seeing this sort of thing because the area is densely populated. The posters have increased in sophistication over the years, from a photocopy of a cat picture and a handwritten plea, through the computer printout inside a plastic sleeve, to a laminated full colour computer printout with fancy fonts and a high definition digital picture of the escaped beloved animal.

I must confess that while I may look over these notices on lampposts, shop windows and noticeboards — and while I may even glance at all the cats wandering the streets, I have never managed to connect the two. It would be extremely unlikely for me to look at a cat on the street and recogise it as the missing tiddles!

Just as well too, because otherwise I would forever be stealing (or attempting to catch) stray cats — and if what I had found was the wrong cat then this would lead to yet more “Lost Cat” posters in a never-ending loop!

So I have always thought it unlikely that they work — even if a reward were offered. There must be some etiquette, some cut-off period for taking down the posters.

• I suppose I thought that either the cat returned home by itself or it didn’t (and was deemed dead).

Imagine my surprise to see the birth of a new trend — the NEWS UPDATE on the Missing moggie poster — just in case this missing cat was keeping you awake at night.

This is a new breed of poster — notifying us all of a positive outcome — so we can finally stop hunting! How kind and thoughtful — instead of simply taking down the sign and throwing it in the bin. Click on the picture to enlarge.

But then, maybe it is a lie — maybe someone with a black felt-tip pen has decided to ruin the hunt for Millie by mischievously adding to the print out. I will keep an eye out to see if the other posters have this update!

The world is getting madder by the day, I tell you!

Kiddie Speed Camera Fun!

IN SHAWLANDS ARCADE THEY ARE BRAIN-WASHING CHILDREN; they have removed the Stuart Little ride, and replaced it with an abomination — a SPEED CAMERA CHARACTER RIDE! This is not simply weird, but tantamount to an attempt to brain-wash pre-school children!

Such mechanised rides have been around for years — a mum would put in 20p or 50p and watch while their toddler was gently tilted back and forth to a loud signature tune.

It has always been a boat, train, truck or car theme — something the kiddies know and identify with — like Thomas The Tank Engine, Fireman Sam, or something from Disney – but this is nothing like that; this is a complete departure.

This is not about enjoying a ride in Postman Pat’s van, or speeding through outer space in a skyrocket.

• This is a ride about DRIVING SLOWLY IN A BUILT-UP AREA!

How messed up is that? It also seems to be about driving INTO speed cameras, as evidenced by the pictures (click to enlarge as ever) — I did not know that that was a problem.

Look, Nanny State — we KNOW we are not supposed to break the speed limit, but this doesn’t exactly fire up the imagination does it? Things are definitely getting worse when this comes to pass.

(By the way, there was a queue for the Santa Sleigh ride, but not for the Safety Cam Car — wonder why!) — Merry Christmas!